This will be just a short post to bring things up to date.
As you will know, if you have followed this blog from it's beginnings in October 2009, I have been moving gradually to Holy Orthodoxy. Well, in January during Theophany, I asked Fr John to prepare me for formal acceptance into the Orthodox communion. Since then I have been attending Divine Liturgy every Sunday and, during Great Lent, one or two services of Matins or Vespers during the week.
I was formally accepted as a catechumen on Sunday 7th February, incidentally the feast of my patron saint Richard of Wessex (+722), and my 60th birthday.
The plan was to be chrismated at the Paschal Liturgy, but in the end I had last minute concerns during the intensity of Holy Week, and I was actually chrismated on The Sunday of the Samaritan Woman, May 2nd 2010.
So now I can truly say that I have arrived at the beginning....
Love in Christ,
Richard.
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Saturday, 20 March 2010
Wisdom, Faith, and Repentance
I was lying in bed, half in prayer and half asleep, when it came to me that there are a number of linked ideas that have worried me for ages. So I wrote this to get them off my chest a couple of days ago.
Knowledge, as an example, is only of any benefit if it is used for good. Knowledge about God, is pure hell if it is not accompanied by knowledge of God - this is exactly where Lucifer is right now. And confession of one's sins is only of benefit, only works it's healing grace, if accompanied by true repentance and a firm resolve not to repeat the offence.
And in the case of addictive, possibly just habitual, sins there is a great problem. We confess, and indeed repent, after each offence, but we know that there is no chance of avoiding recidivism without external help. We can resolve away, but we are incapable of breaking the cycle of sin. It's all very well for the Fathers, like Abba Sisoes, to say when you fall again, stand up and start again "Until you have been seized either by virtue or by sin.", but from here it looks like a pattern that will be repeated forever, and that offers no hope - indeed we are already seized by sin. And hope is essential - without hope there is no faith.
So now, how do we approach confession of such sins? Can we truly stand before Christ the Judge and say that we repent, knowing that we will probably repeat the offence later that very day? And here it seems to me that we should find the greatest benefit of Sacramental Confession: even though Christ, to whom we confess, never sinned, the priest who stands beside us did, and does, and inspired by the Holy Spirit, his advice and guidance are, perhaps, just that is needed to break the cycle.
No, we probably can't say with honesty that we have confessed every sin of which we are aware, we certainly can't say with honesty that we will not sin again, but we can confess what we can, and receive forgiveness, and maybe more important: inspired advice from our spiritual father. This will be the external help that we need to break the cycle. Perhaps not this time round, but one day soon. And there is the Hope, and Faith.
OK, that's the theory. But if one (just one of many) of your big sins is all about how you perceive other people see you, then there is a great hurdle to cross even to get to Sacramental Confession. Here is this man, your father, who you respect more than anyone living, and you are going to tell him about these dirty filthy things you do habitually. For sure his opinion of you is going to be changed forever, isn't it? How can you do this to yourself? Because, and here's the rub: the self will not let you do this to it. The sin of pride. You can even write about it (sinfully, in the hope that the reader will think you humble) - but actually do it? No? Well we'll see, because that is the next step for me.
I begin to perceive, dimly, what God meant when he told Saint Silouan the Athonite to "keep his mind in hell, and not despair."
Knowledge, as an example, is only of any benefit if it is used for good. Knowledge about God, is pure hell if it is not accompanied by knowledge of God - this is exactly where Lucifer is right now. And confession of one's sins is only of benefit, only works it's healing grace, if accompanied by true repentance and a firm resolve not to repeat the offence.
And in the case of addictive, possibly just habitual, sins there is a great problem. We confess, and indeed repent, after each offence, but we know that there is no chance of avoiding recidivism without external help. We can resolve away, but we are incapable of breaking the cycle of sin. It's all very well for the Fathers, like Abba Sisoes, to say when you fall again, stand up and start again "Until you have been seized either by virtue or by sin.", but from here it looks like a pattern that will be repeated forever, and that offers no hope - indeed we are already seized by sin. And hope is essential - without hope there is no faith.
So now, how do we approach confession of such sins? Can we truly stand before Christ the Judge and say that we repent, knowing that we will probably repeat the offence later that very day? And here it seems to me that we should find the greatest benefit of Sacramental Confession: even though Christ, to whom we confess, never sinned, the priest who stands beside us did, and does, and inspired by the Holy Spirit, his advice and guidance are, perhaps, just that is needed to break the cycle.
No, we probably can't say with honesty that we have confessed every sin of which we are aware, we certainly can't say with honesty that we will not sin again, but we can confess what we can, and receive forgiveness, and maybe more important: inspired advice from our spiritual father. This will be the external help that we need to break the cycle. Perhaps not this time round, but one day soon. And there is the Hope, and Faith.
OK, that's the theory. But if one (just one of many) of your big sins is all about how you perceive other people see you, then there is a great hurdle to cross even to get to Sacramental Confession. Here is this man, your father, who you respect more than anyone living, and you are going to tell him about these dirty filthy things you do habitually. For sure his opinion of you is going to be changed forever, isn't it? How can you do this to yourself? Because, and here's the rub: the self will not let you do this to it. The sin of pride. You can even write about it (sinfully, in the hope that the reader will think you humble) - but actually do it? No? Well we'll see, because that is the next step for me.
O Lord, break my spirit, so that I can be saved.
I begin to perceive, dimly, what God meant when he told Saint Silouan the Athonite to "keep his mind in hell, and not despair."
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